A Bluetooth Christmas Tale

Last Christmas was a Bluetooth Christmas. A few of the presents under the tree were Bluetooth enabled.

The list of Bluetooth devices was as follows:

- Bluetooth Toothbrushes

- Bluetooth Lifx Lightbulbs

- Bluetooth Rev Remote Control Cars

- Bluetooth BB-8 Starwars Droid

We're now into April, and let me tell you how it's going...

BB8 and the remote control cars were played with for a week, maybe two. The most fun we had was playing car soccer with the Rev cars and BB8-minus-head as the ball. They are now in a drawer waiting for a rainy day.

The Bluetooth Toothbrushes are still being used as electric toothbrushes, and have been a success in that they enforce the two minute brushing routine. But after the first 3 days, having your phone and app in one hand, whilst arranging brush and toothpaste in the other, was too much hassle. Alas, the pyjamas Santa gave the kids didn't have pockets for the phone. So however engaging the Oral B app might be for children of a certain age, it just didn't get used.

Let's talk home automation now. There were two primary reasons behind the Lifx lighbulbs. Firstly, I was sick of reminding my children to turn off their bedroom lights. Secondly their trusty IKEA bedside lamps were worrying unstable. So I thought... help them set schedules for their smart-lights to come on and go off, and let them create perfect mood lighting for bedtime reading and homework sessions.

How wrong I was. Children #1 and #2 got the hang of schedules, proximity and the unfathomable Lifx app. So that works almost as intended. Except when it doesn't. I don't know how the lights are left on, but sometimes they are, and when the lights are left on, I turn them off at the switch. Which renders them completely unresponsive to impatient children who expect to drive them only through their phones. And in the 'off' state the lights don't respond to schedules or proximity.

That's pretty annoying when Child 2 has set up Amazon's Echo to control lights via voice. But however hard you shout at Alexa, it can't switch the light on at the wall.

Child #3 had his light installed in a bedside lamp because of limited head-room in his high loft bed. Said lamp has one of those utterly ridiculous switches that require you to finger the light fitting hidden under the lamp shade. So rather than flick the wall switch as I pass to turn the light off, as I used to do, I'm now fumbling to turn the damned thing off most mornings.

On top of this, on installation, the children 'claimed' their light bulbs, meaning they are the only ones authorised to change the schedules, or logic. If I claimed them, then they wouldn't be able to set their own schedules, which means more admin for me, and less autonomy for them.
So without faffing with the settings through the kids' phones, I can't re-organise the lightbulbs into sensible groups, so that I can turn all the lights off when we all go out. I have less control than I did when wall switches were all the rage. I would have done better to buy clapper switches, which have been around since 1985.

I'm a father in this industry. Hell, I'm even selling connected home solutions to Telcos. These automated, connected homes are going to have to be a lot smarter and a lot easier to use than the current diaspora of disconnected, poorly-thought-through devices and apps.

Fortunately, the carriers have a real opportunity here. The likes of BT, Virgin and TalkTalk have the capability to simplify, consolidate and market complete smart-home solutions, including the lightbulbs, the heating, the security and the gadgets. With one app to control it all, with an apple-esque interface, allowing easy configuration but with advanced menus for the connoisseurs. Google, Amazon, Lifx, Phillips and Samsung will struggle to cover enough bases to deliver the smart home and the local support we're going to need to get it all working. So come on Telcos, now is the time to bring this all together.

As for next Christmas. It might be a non-Bluetooth affair.